A spread which is about why you don’t feel like getting out of bed sets out to look at issues and things you feel negatively about. Admittedly, the spread has two up-beat positions (what’s worth getting out of bed for, and what’s your coffee/chicken soup), and one semi-neutral position (where are you right now, sleepyhead). Analysing it like this, I realise that the darkness really was mostly in me. If we look at a three card “situation, issue, resolution” spread, there is also one neutral, one negative and one positive card. Still, the title of the spread says that the whole question is about not wanting to face the world.
All that aside, I slept well last night and decided to try to look at what is of value in my life. To frame a positive question I drew three cards from the Wildwood Tarot to look at what is worthwhile in three areas of my life – my work, my family, and my wider context.
What is worthwhile in my work: Four of Stones – Protection
My work with clients tries to create a safe space where they can express their vulnerability. The framework of therapy creates a “sacred” space where anything can be talked about. And in that space, that willingness to be with the other in difficult times, there is a kind of protection. Not that everything is suddenly OK, but that there is at least the possibility of looking at what in life can be helpful, and having a moment where you don’t have to be on top of it all, where it’s alright to be vulnerable.
Despite the difficulties, this card suggests that the medical problems with Big Boy provide the possibility of growing and learning, of becoming stronger and letting go of some ideas that are unhelpful. Connecting this with yesterday’s reading, I’m reminded of the old saw that “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”. So, I’m getting stronger, hard though it may feel.
I can acknowledge, though, that this situation, this process, has changed how I see the world, in a way that makes me more tolerant, more compassionate, at least sometimes. When I pick over the bones of what has happened, I can find what remains, what survives beyond the ending of old dreams and beliefs.
There’s something here, too, about needing to work on grieving. This is definitely an on-going process. A need to accept what is, rather than what I wish were the case. Three and a half years in, this is still so difficult and painful. This reminds me of something that came up in my reading with Arwen last week, where the Seeker (Fool) was the “shadow” card. I need to re-find my joy in life, my sense of innocence and fun. It won’t happen overnight, but perhaps it is beginning.
What is worthwhile in my life generally: 9 – The Hooded Man
I smiled when I saw this card – good thing, too, as the previous card had made me cry. The equivalent card from the Gaian Tarot came up in the reading I had last week with Arwen, where it represented the next step on my life’s path!
So, learning is definitely worthwhile for me. Not just book learning, though, but spiritual learning. Last night my Dear One and I spoke of the need we both feel to meditate more (or at all, in his case). And that was something Arwen and I spoke of last week, too
Lots of resonances here, clearly. Now, I just have to heed these messages, to value what is good in my life, let go of what I cannot change, and actually make the time to sit and meditate