Friday, 9 September 2011

Kill Bill-y the Kid?

For my final card from the Tarot of the Silicon Dawn (Lo Scarabeo 2011, by Egypt Urnash) we have the Two of Swords.

The image makes me think of a cross between Kill Bill and a spaghetti Western ;)  Rather than a woman with swords crossed over her heart and a blindfold over her eyes, sitting in front of a body of water, we have this.  A woman in a wedding dress holds two crossed swords, points down, as though weighed down with defeat.  Behind her we see the silhouette of a man a la Clint Eastwood - hat, poncho, boots and pistol.  In the background, a Wild West Town, with black clouds looming over it all.  I have the sense of her being momentarily brought up short, perhaps taking a breather.  At any moment, though, she could re-find her direction and energy and suddenly turn, lifting the swords and going into attack mode.

Today, what this card makes me think of is a situation that happened a couple of days ago.  For some time now I've defined my spiritual beliefs a certain way.  I liked having a "name tag", a hook to hang what I practise on and the feeling of being part of a community.  Chatting with Carla of Rowan Tarot, she recommended a forum I'd never heard of, so I went to take a look.  The first thing I saw was that the "name tag" I have been holding for myself was thoroughly reviled and mocked :/  The forum moderators had posted a list of what they felt defined this name.  At first glance, I agreed with about half of what they said were defining of this name, and which they disagreed with.  So, I was left with a feeling of "Are my beliefs that wrong?"  That someone I like and admire could think the exact opposite of me on something so fundamental felt very strange.  I felt like I had gone to meet a new beau, only to be told that not only does this person not like you, they think you're stupid.  It also made me question what I really do believe.  Is it those things that were listed?

I have thought about this a lot over the last few days.  I went back and looked over the list, and really thought about each item.  I ended up considering that, out of 14 items, there is only one I would say an unconditional "Yes" to.  A further five I sort of agree with, depending on how you look at it, but don't practice as they've been described.  The remaining eight I said "No" to.  Where it left me is rather like what I see in this card.  I now have two opposing possibilities, but I'm disillusioned with both of them.  The tag I had accepted no longer fits, but I'm not sure I really like this new idea I've been introduced to.  It seems to me that they defined something very narrowly, and then reviled it for being narrow.  And I disagree on at least one point absolutely.  So, I'm left like this character, all dressed up, but nowhere to go.

Perhaps I can forge a new sword for myself - create my own definition, one that fits me properly.  Or just accept that different people use the same word to mean quite disparate things.  So, if someone reviles a word, that may just mean they are defining it differently from how I do.

I am grateful for the challenge to really think about what I believe in, so I can better understand myself.

3 comments:

  1. Wow--that's quite an experience. It sounds a bit traumatic but I am very impressed with how you're handling yourself and what Q&A with yourself this has triggered. I hope you come to some satisfactory conclusions.

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  2. Love that card first of all, and your experience really nailed it ' I now have two opposing possibilities, but I'm disillusioned with both of them'
    You are on quite the journey, all too often we don't even question our belifs, we just go with the flow and might end up in some strange places. I never wanted to use lables on myself but I guess there are times when they are important as a tool too, like a roadmap. I remember clicking on a link to some youtube clip of a ritual being performed and I suddenly burst out in giggles. 'is this really me?' I thought. That was one lable I could un-check.

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  3. Hi MM,

    Well, it did give me pause to think, that's for sure. I guess I'll probably carry on doing and thinking pretty much the same as before, but I may simply be a little more hesitant about putting a name to that...

    Hi Saidenne,

    It is a great card, isn't it? :)

    Yes, I appreciated the opportunity to question my beliefs in depth. As I say, quite a few of those things kinda sound right, but then thinking about them more deeply I wasn't so sure. Depends on how rigidly you take them, I think. I tend to see many "beliefs" as being metaphorical rather than literal, but I guess I should be aware that many other people really take things literally... hmm.

    Your experience giggling at the ritual made me smile - there are some really weird things out there, aren't there? :D

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