|Excuse the poor photography, I only have my phone with me.|
So, I decided to ask the cards what lessons there are for me in this situation.
I drew a card from the Oracle of the Shapeshifters (Blue Angel 2011) and three cards from the Wheel of the Year Tarot (Lo Scarabeo 2011). The oracle card is to represent overall energies of this situation, while the three tarot cards were slightly tweaking Helen's (Tarot Notes Major and Minor) suggestion about doing a spirit guide reading. Their positional meanings are: 1) what does my spirit guide want me to learn from this experience? 2) why do I need to learn this? 3) what action should I take?
I'll start with the Oracle of the Shapeshifters. The card I drew is "Bats in the Belfry: You can achieve great things". What I notice first about this card is the bats - creatures which fly using sonar (what they hear) to navigate and "see".
At the moment I can't speak in the way we generally take for granted, and have had to come up with other ways to make myself understood. For example, I know a little sign language, but most of the people I am with right now don't know it, so that doesn't help much. Also, it turns out my computer has a text-to-speech function so I can type stuff and the computer says it in a silly, sultry voice (I could have gone for a guys voice, but that would be even weirder!) Unfortunately, while I am currently in Germany, the computer can only handle English! Still, the fact that I'm finding these alternate ways of communicating, even if they don't work perfectly, is an achievement. And the whole situation makes me appreciate what it must be like for those who live with communication difficulties of one kind or another: be it muteism or simply a stutter.
I notice, too, that the woman in this card is up in the rooftops: she can see far and wide. I think that not being able to speak gives me both the opportunity and the excuse to take a bit of a back seat and pay more attention to what is going on around me, rather than getting so involved in it.
Then, the spirit guide reading.
1) What does my spirit guide want me to learn? Five of Wands
Seeing the image of two men arm-wrestling, I am struck by this metaphor of what a conversation is. A good conversation, while not really a struggle, does involve a balancing of power - each person takes turns speaking and guiding the conversation. If one person is far "stronger" the conversation loses its balance, its mutuality, and is quickly over or at least no longer a dialogue.
There is also an aspect where I currently "struggle" to get myself heard and understood. Learning what that feels like (I'm a Gemini and rarely at a loss for words) is an interesting experience.
2) Why do I need to learn this? Knight of Wands
I need to learn this because normally I tend to just go jumping into conversations, full of enthusiasm, but perhaps without thinking things through nor leaving much space for others. Having to stay quiet and hope that others will raise the points I'm interested in is quite fascinating, both when it works as I want and when it doesn't. This experience gives me more appreciation for people who find it hard to join in a conversation, or especially a group discussion. I can empathise more not just with a potential sense of being left out, but also with a frustration that they have lots going on in their heads, but it stays there rather than being shared.
3) What action should I take? The Hanged Man
Ha, don't you just love the tarot's sense of humour?! I'm just going to have to wait this one out. Hopefully, the block on my vocal cords will lift soon, but there's little I can do about it. In the meantime, I shall continue to use this as a learning experience!