Wednesday, 7 December 2011

The Fragile Thread

The Journey Oracle offers us another beautiful card today, with an air of sadness to it.  Though it's still far more cheerful than yesterday's card!

The Fragile Thread shows a woman holding a heart on a string, the heart pierced by a small hole in one side.  The woman's clothes are seductive, softly flowing, a combination of blue and green, with a red ribbon.  Stars seem to spring from her cheek, floating away in the air like a trail that would lead someone to her.  All in all, it feels to me like she is someone who is offering herself, seductive and enchanting.

This card reminds me of the risks we run when we offer ourselves to others.  The risk of being hurt, taken for granted, or rejected.  And a heart really isn't a toy to be given away to win another's approval.  It reminds me of a Dory Previn song my mum used to listen to when I was little called "I Dance and Dance and Smile and Smile".  OK, the title isn't exactly catchy, but it still resonates with me - a song about loving too much, trying too hard to please.

That's what I see in this card today, someone who doesn't see what a wonderful child of the stars they are.  And so she offers her heart on a fragile thread, trying to win something that she already deserves, if she could only trust in her loveableness.

Today, this card makes me wonder who I might be trying to please by completing my essay, finishing my Masters, working as a counsellor...  Big Boy has been ill again for the past couple of days, and I'm exhausted, yet I also feel this push: I must do it!  And suddenly Alanis Morissette's "Perfect" echoes in my ears.

I notice that both the songs that came to me were about parents, and I guess that's often the root of these feelings.  Not that I'm blaming my parents, far from it.  My mum has always been very supportive of everything I do.  And yet, I still remember any small instance when I didn't feel supported by her.  So, how much is that to do with me, rather than her?

I am grateful for times when I can love myself and respect my own needs.

6 comments:

  1. This is a very beautiful deck, Chloë! I really enjoy watch you using it -- despite its cute design it seems to carry powerful messages!

    I see the heart in a thread as exposing a very sensitive pert of yourself to the outside scrutiny. You know that childhood game Piñata, in which you hang a piñata stuffed with candy and the blindfolded children have to kit it with a baseball bat, so they can get the sweets?

    Well... sometimes we do this to our heart too. Or to our pride. Or our self-esteem. And many times the people hitting do not realize what they are doing.

    So perhaps this card is asking you which frail part of yourself you have been leaving exposed and see if you can protect it a bit more. :-)

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  2. What a lovely card, but as you said, with an air of sadness. Reminds me how vulnerable we are when we get involved with others. And if we get hurt, do we close ourselves off to all, or just the person who hurt us?
    thesycamoretree.livejournal.com

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  3. What an interesting post. I love it.

    It is reminding me of a book I'm reading "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner. Have you read it? Great book about family dynamics and emotional fusion and a bunch of other things.

    I started reading it because I noted that I would get upset at someone (whether it was my daughter or husband or someone else) and I, like you, questioned whether counting each slight had more to do with me than them. While it's true that people can be very aggravating, the most helpful and empowering thing can be to recognize our own patterns.

    Anyway, it's a beautiful post and imagery. I love the vulnerable heart-on-a-string reference. I am like this. I expect certain things, and when I don't get them I feel really hurt. Or I often miss the point of something, not realizing some essential truth, or maybe even something as simple as 'I'm tired' or 'I need to get away from this for a while.'

    It's a hard thing to learn...self-awareness. I definitely have a long way to go. Hope you have a lovely day!

    Hugs,
    MM

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  4. Hi Marina,

    You make a very good point about the piñata - that others may not even recognise how much they are hurting us, so it's up to us to protect ourselves.

    Hi TST,

    It's true, if we didn't care we wouldn't feel so hurt, and yet now allowing ourselves to care can be deadening, emotionally. I'd be curious to know how you resolve this...

    Hi MM,

    No, I hadn't heard of that book, sounds interesting! I think for me, too, this sort of situation most often comes up when I haven't acknowledged or expressed my needs, and then am hurt when they're not met. Go figure!

    Hugs,
    Chloë

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  5. My mom has been a wonderful role model in this area. She allows the hurt to open her heart wider to others (though she does not allow herself to be fooled by the same person again - here she protects herself). She can connect with others who might be closed off because of the hurt she has been through...

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  6. Hi TST,

    Your mom sounds like such a nurturing yet boundaried person :) A role model for anyone!

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