After last year when I went eleven months without chocolate, biscuits or sweets, I have been eating pretty poorly this year, and particularly this week. I feel like I'll never be able to kick the chocolate habit, and wanted some help looking at why I'm feeling like this. So, I drew two cards from the Incidental Tarot (Holly DeFount, 2012):
There is definitely something here for me about feeling like I ought to be doing better. A feeling that I am a spiritual seeker, so how come I'm bogged down in sugar cravings and addiction? I think there's a bit of a holdover from my yoga days, and people being "yogier-than-thou": I feel I ought to be a raw food vegan who isn't even tempted by chocolate!
Another thing I see here is that it's my being unable to let go of something on an emotional level that is keeping me trapped in my bad habits. I think this is to do with the emotional work I've been doing around death since our cat had to be put to sleep on Tuesday. It's not just about the cat (sweet though he was) but also about my dad, who died a couple of years ago. And also about my fears for Big Boy, who is so often ill.
There is also something in the image that makes me think about not seeing the wood for the trees. All those fears and all that sadness, and I am yet to see the light that shines on it all, the hope which is there in the star, if I just look up. Which brings me to:
2) What is the new hope (apple) which I may not be seeing? The Steward (Page of Pentacles)
Okay, this one had me stumped at the outset! A woman holding out a plate of acorns: is the new hope the fact that someone is going to offer me a chocolate cake that will put all others to shame so I never want to eat one again, as it couldn't possibly be as good as the one she gave me?
That seems unlikely, so let's delve a little deeper. Perhaps I need to nurture myself more, rather than less. If I can stop beating myself up about my snacking, then it may be easier to resist the siren call of chocolate biscuits. If I can feed my soul, I won't have to feed my cravings.
I don't think this is about eating healthily so that I don't have cravings, that's something I have been doing for a year and a half now. It's definitely more an emotional thing. So, perhaps the question should be: what seeds can I sow that will nurture me?
Well, for one thing my Dear One and I are going away for two nights next week to a spa. A time out to connect with each other and be pampered at a physical level. For another, I have let my work know that I want to take a month off over the summer.
Any other ideas?