Bittersweet Birthday

©Choi & Shina

Gah, what is the Dreaming Way Tarot (U.S. Games, 2012) trying to do to me?!  Today is Big Boy's birthday, and I draw the Three of Swords :(

A woman stands in a cold and snowy landscape, next to a tree with a few remaining leaves on a bush at its base.  She is dressed in old fashioned clothing, bindings around her head under a white bonnet.  Three swords protrude from her chest, where her gown is open to allow them access.  Her eyes are closed, and she seems quite calm, almost accepting...

This actually represents quite well one of the interpretations I often call upon for the Three of Swords.  I think it was Rachel Pollack who first suggested that with this card, we have to be willing to hold onto the pain, to sit with it, in order to work through it.  Railing against fate, crying and screaming, will gain us little in the long run. 

I guess this represents my emotions around Big Boy quite well.  I have, for the most part, come to accept his troubles and his limitations.  I still feel the pain, but it is something I have grown used to.  Celebrating his fifth birthday is a bit of a reminder of how little he has changed in some respects over the last year.  And yet, within his capacities he has improved tremendously.  So, it is a bittersweet birthday we celebrate, but I hope I can tap into the joy more than the sorrow as we open presents and eat cake :)

I am grateful for my beautiful son.